I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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