And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
zippers are such a cool invention
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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