Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
