proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize