i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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