party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
