some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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