I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
