can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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