just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
