I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
