you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
