i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
