I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
