zippers are such a cool invention
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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