perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
