I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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