One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my being single is dangerous.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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