I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
wow bdsm is so cute
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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