she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
