Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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