Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
