I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
