Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
