If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
