my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
