Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.