JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme