I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.