the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?