He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
