stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer