if i can run in heels then i can drive
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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