Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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