So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
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I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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