so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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