Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
