So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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