Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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