I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
