and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
