Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
