Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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