I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
