i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
