I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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