I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
