Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
