The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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