Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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