If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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