"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
