do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
