Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
