You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
