She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
