when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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