Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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