So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
