Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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