He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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