there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
