You're my little dorito
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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