to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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