I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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