His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
