i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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