oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
